The Chicago Blackhawks fan quiz

Congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks for winning the Stanley Cup trophy for the third time in six years. Are you a Blackhawk fan? Take this quiz to see how much you really know about hockey!

1.  What is the difference between curling and ice hockey?

A.  Hockey sticks have the broom end removed

B.  Puck size

C.  GO HAWKS

D.  Marketing

2.  What is icing?

A.  Something you put on top of doughnuts

B.  GO HAWKS

C.  When a player passes, shoots, or deflects the puck from his half of the rink and it travels all the way past the center red line and the opposing goal line untouched, stopping play either immediately (per international rules, called automatic or “no-touch” icing), or once a player on the opposing team touches the puck after the linesman indicates icing by raising his hand, as enforced in most high-level North American leagues, unless the defending goalie makes an attempt to play the iced puck, or the icing team is shorthanded, or if the linesman believes a defending player was capable of gaining possession of the puck before it crossed the goal line, except on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays after 3:45 PM, do not pass Go, do not collect $200

D.  I had to go take a piss. What was the question again?

3.  What is meant by the “Original Six?”

A.  The first half-dozen cans of Pabst I drank before the game started

B.  The six teams (Canadiens, Maple Leafs, Bruins, Blackhawks, Red Wings, and Rangers) that comprised the NHL between 1942 and 1967, discounting a whole bunch of other teams that played in the NHL before then, like the Philadelphia Quakers, Ottawa Senators, and Montreal Maroons, because they had totally stupid names

C.  GO HAWKS

D.  A term used to indicate that all the NHL expansion teams suck

4.  Which of these would be considered a “lower body injury?”

A.  Fourteen teeth knocked out by puck

B.  GO HAWKS

C.  Chlamydia

D.  Atomic shits

5.  Which of these would be considered an “upper body injury?”

A.  Foot chopped off by skate blade

B.  Aneurysm

C.  GO HAWKS

D.  Ennui

6.  The current commissioner of the NHL is:

A.  GO HAWKS

B.  Vladimir Putin

C.  Some bozo who used to be an NBA lawyer

D.  Jonathan Toews

7.  Joel Quenneville’s mustache is:

A.  A Facebook page

B.  GO HAWKS

C.  Awesome

D.  A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma

8.  The Stanley Cup is named after:

A.  Stan Mikita

B.  Stan Laurel

C.  GO HAWKS

D.  Lord Frederick Cup (1841-1908), former Governor General of Canada, who famously died of boredom in 1905 but no one realized it until three years later

9.  What can Blackhawk fans be heard screaming repeatedly during games?

A.  GO HAWKS

B.  CRAWFORD IS A GOD AMONG MEN

C.  CRAWFORD SHOULD BE RUN THROUGH A WOOD CHIPPER

D.  All of the above, simultaneously

10.  What can Blackhawk fans be heard screaming into the toilet after two dozen drinks?

A.  GO HAAAAAARFFGHKS

B.  GO HUUUUUUUUARKS

C.  HJAAAAAAALMARSSON

D.  A and B, alternating

Answers:   1: C   2: B   3: C   4: B   5: C   6: A   7: B   8: C   9: A   10: C