I’m surprised at how much I’m enjoying writing my new fake advice column, using real letters to Dear Abby in which I feel Abby’s actual replies were lacking.

The tone on these has gotten a bit sharper and more cynical than in Volume 1, so I feel it’s appropriate to include the following disclaimer:

The advice contained herein is deliberately irresponsible, dangerous, and in some cases flat-out illegal. Under no circumstances should you follow any of these suggestions, nor should you encourage others to do so. Dear Mike Enterprises accepts no responsibility for the consequences of taking this advice seriously.

And with that, allow me to present another collection of “Dear Mike,” in which I dispense the advice that Abby can’t (or won’t).